I am the biological mother of 3 children, all of whom were born in the comforts of my own home, all without any medication or pain relief. I was pleasantly surprised to find that childbirth was nowhere near as painful as my mind had lead me to expect. It was actually pretty tolerable. That being said, I also realize that I have a high threshold for pain and am able to draw the focus of my attention away from discomfort, relabel it as simply "sensation" and know that the sensation we label as pain is relative and differs in perceived intensity from person to person.
More women in my circle and my peripheral circles are starting to show interest in giving birth at home, which I think shows a resurgence of desire to return to a state of harmony with Mother Nature and the magic and power of the Divine Feminine we so often suppress to navigate the masculine energy dominated world we live in. That's such a beautiful thing. The last few years I've felt the shift toward the balancing of Divine Masculine/Feminine slowly strengthening and its desperately needed to heal our world.
But I digress...I love sharing about my natural birth experiences, each had their own magic, but I tried to keep it pretty concise because I could go on and on about the supernatural, mysterious nature surrounding birth.....aaaand it seems barely anyone wants to read anymore and even less people have an attention span longer than a minute these days *sigh*
Well... let's get to it, yeah?
Nzinga
My firstborn. I was rather nervous going into labor with my oldest. I didn't know what to expect and only had what seemed like horror stories of my friends and families birth experiences for reference.
The labor sensations started off very mild but over the course of several hours became more intense than anything I've ever felt in my life. I must've walked back and forth the span of our small, creaky, 100+ year old apartment on the Northside of Richmond at least 30 times to keep my mind from dwelling on the sensations of the contractions. I tuned in to the sounds of Sarah Vaughn, Betty Carter, Astrud Gilberto, and Nina Simone on vinyl.
I planned to have a water birth and had a birthing tub filled to just below my breasts with warm water in the middle of our cramped living room. The water helped soothe the intensity of the contractions as I moved into active labor. My body prompted me to begin pushing and I did. Following the guidance of my midwife, Nancy, I pushed and pushed but wasn't making any progress for about 20 mins. Nancy decided she needed to "see" what was going on so she put her hand inside my vagina up to her forearm (!!!) and found that Nzinga was attempting to enter the birth canal with her arm up by her head as if she were using her arm as a pillow. Nzinga must've loved that position because we saw her in that very same position on her ultrasound. Nancy pushed Nzingas' arm back down by her side. After about 20 more minutes of pushing to no avail, Nancy and my husband helped me out of the birthing tub and onto the birthing stool. Nancy did another "check", pushed Nzingas arm back AGAIN and I resumed my efforts to usher her into this world.
By this point I was exhausted. Shaking my head, I spoke the words "I can't. I cant do it." IMMEDIATELY, everyone in the room - Nancy, my husband and my sister all chorused together "YES YOU CAN!!!" It's amazing what encouragement can do. I felt a bit of a recharge. I downed a whole bottle of coconut water, crushed the carton in my hand and threw it (I could care less about being messy in that moment). I pushed a few more times and FINALLY, after what seemed like an eternity, Nzinga came into this world "stargazing" (she was face up instead of the usual face down position). I was in labor for a total of 10 hours 56 minutes from first contraction to her birth. Nzinga didn't cry at all upon entering the earth plane. She calmly looked around the room with her chin on her fist like "Hmm, so what's going on here?" She gave off the impression that she had been here before and wasn't too terribly enthused about being back.
I emerged from that experience feeling more exhausted and yet more empowered than ever in my life.
Jezanna
My second born love came through to this plane swiftly. I arose at 0145(am) feeling the need to evacuate my bowels. I went to the bathroom and after straining unsuccessfully for 5 mins I thought "WTF?! This must be the biggest shit of my life!" It finally dawned on me that the urges were birth contractions! **Facepalm**
I called Nancy and she asked me a series of questions to gauge if I was actually going into labor or if it was a false alarm. I had 3 contractions while on the 5 min phone call with her. She asked what I had for dinner the night before and I couldn't for the life of me remember what I had eaten just hours before! She told me to wake my husband and have him set up for the birth and she'd be heading my way in less than 20 mins. I took a warm shower to get relief from the contractions and shaved (I know, how vain!). 10 mins after I got out of the shower my midwife knocked on the door of our apartment. I said fuck it I'm not even gonna try to get dressed... I mean I'm about to have a baby so why waste the energy just to take my clothes off again?!
My husband turned on the record player and this time spun Carlos Santana, Alice Coltrane, Stan Getz, Joao Gilberto, and Antonio Carlos Jobim. This time I completely tuned into my intuition and just did what my body led me to. Standing and swaying my hips from side to side during contractions felt good so I did that standing and on hands and knees. My husband offered support in the form of a firm grip on our interlaced fingers and a calm, steady gaze. That solid, unwavering, quiet gaze was so important and reassuring to me as the contractions intensified. In those moments, his eyes assured me that we were in this together, reminded me of my strength, and told me I could do this.
I was hyperaware of the process this time and was able to feel exactly where in my body the baby was and felt Jezanna as she began wiggling down into the birth canal with each contraction.
As my body prompted me to begin pushing, I began to squat between my husbands knees, regulate my breathing and went into a state that could've rivaled the best of DMT trips (although I was 100% sober). When Jezanna began to crown, time seemed to slow, my immediate surroundings blurred and all I could see was what looked like a bright, rapidly rotating tunnel of white and golden light and what my mind interpreted as a Goddess dressed in pure white light with a beautiful, ornate, golden headdress walking gracefully and confidently towards me, getting closer with each push. When she reached me, I realized my midwife was telling me to reach down and grab my baby. My Goddess had arrived. Jezanna entered quietly and was very observant.
I was in labor with her 2 hours and 51 minutes from first contraction to birth.
Aiyana
My husband and I fell asleep cuddled on the couch in the living room watching anime. I got up around 0245(am) to go to the bathroom and soon after the contractions began. At first they were so subtle I thought the vegan ice cream I'd eaten earlier that night was irritating my stomach. As the contractions persisted and intensified, I realized our little one was on the way. I called Nancy and began timing the contractions. They were already 3-4 minutes apart. I told Nancy I felt ok, they weren't painful so don't rush, but that I'd continue monitoring them. I called my mom then took a shower then filled the tub for a bath to relax.
My mom arrived about 30 mins later and Nancy arrived about 15 mins after with birth photographer Patience Salgado and began to set up for the birth downstairs in the study (we finally had a house of our own by this birth! Woooo!). I stayed in the bath for about an hour calling upon the presence and strength of my ancestors then headed downstairs to finish birthing my baby there.
Patience had set up string lights, which made it feel dreamy. I took a deep breath and the scent of lavender essential oil rushed through my nostrils and down into my lungs. My eyes followed the plumes of palo santo smoke dancing in the air. For Aiyana, hubby put Miles Davis, John Coltrane, Alice Coltrane, Carlos Santana, Stan Getz and Joao Gilberto in rotation on the record player.
I started getting in my groove, regulating my breathing, whining my hips, allowing yin energy to dominate and direct the experience, preparing my mind and body for the challenge that was no longer some distant obscurity. I cycled through the moves that worked for me in my previous birth experiences, tried lunging through a couple contractions and rested on pillows between my husbands’ legs as he supported me from behind. I did a few deep squats into what we call malasana in yoga, also known as sumo squats, and Aiyana was finally ready to come through. She entered the birth canal and after 7 minutes of active labor (the part where you push) she was welcomed earthside. I was in labor with Aiyana for a total of 3 hours and 37 minutes from first contraction to birth.
Nancy gave her to me as soon as she emerged, and I put her on my stomach as I laid back between hubbys thighs. She let out a few cries then stopped, opened her eyes and squintedly looked around the room then started scooting up to my boob like an inchworm lol it was so cute! She seemed to hug me for a moment and before I knew it she had latched onto my nipple for her first meal outside the womb. Nancy said she's never seen a baby latch so quickly - they usually aren't concerned with the breast until 30-45 mins after birth. Well I guess lil mama was hungry because she wont playing no games with the titty!
We mindfully prepared her placenta, like we had with our previous two daughters, with the Lotus Birth Herbs as we choose not to cut the umbilical cord, but rather allow it to fall off on its own naturally as a practice of ahimsa (nonviolence) and compassion.
Nancy weighed her and finished the normal birth well checks then she prepared my post birth recovery bath as she had after my 2 previous births and I settled in with a cup of Mother's Milk Tea while daddy got some bonding time with his newest baby girl.
Nzinga and Jezanna woke up about an hour later and an energy of excitement filled the room as they realized it was finally time to meet their baby sister. We all passed out in our bed for another hour before daddy got up to make breakfast.
I'm grateful for each experience, the lessons each birth taught me and the lessons each one of my children continue to teach me daily by their very being. To be a parent is both an immense responsibility and immeasurable joy and honor.
If you made it to the end of this post, you a real one✊🏾.
Go show yourself an act of love, whatever that may mean for you in this moment.
Sending love and life to you always, in all ways,
Khepera
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